The Fourth Horseman

I heard it today in the voice of a head of school: contempt. Contempt for the board of trustees. Contempt for parents and their "silly" notions about what makes for a good school. I also heard contempt earlier in the week from a board chair at another school talking about the head of school and administrative team.The central problem with contempt--and there are quite a few to choose from--is that, like condescension, it indicates that one party holds a demeaning and devaluing view of the other. For contempt to exist, it must be personal not professional. Place contempt into a close relationship--spouses, partners or head and board chair, and it becomes a proverbial train wreck waiting to happen. Stick a fork in the relationship--it's pretty much done. Few find a way to recover with the relationship intact.John Gottman, the noted relationship therapist, placed contempt among the "four horsemen" most associated with divorce (including criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling). Our anecdotal data place it high among correlates of a board/head meltdown. At best it is a bad prognostic sign.